"A man falls in love with and sexually desires the person who reflects his own deepest vaules...The quality that will attract him most is self esteem--self-esteem and an unclouded sense of the value of existence. To such a man, sex is an act of celebration, its meaning is a tribute to himself and to the woman he has chosen, the ultimate form of experienceing concretely and in his own person the value and joy of being alive."

-- Nathaniel Branden in The Virtue of Selfishness

You will never know that my not inviting you to come sit with me in the sun and wind and child's laughter was one of the hardest things I have ever done.

For Pete's Sake...

...just say it, and get it over with. Until you do, you'll be holding back not just your most fervent words, but your energy as well. Is it worth that?

The astrological week for love.

"This is a spicy week, a playful period for teasing and flirting that can be confusing at times. In fact, it may be hard to tell whether you're feeling anger or attraction towards someone. But with a New Moon in Gemini, the sign of the Twins, it's acceptable to be inconsistent. Moods shift in the blink of an eye as we play hide and seek with love, going after it, running from it, obsessing about it or ignoring it. Attitudes are coming and going from every direction, so relax and enjoy the ride."

Well, while that sounds like my normal weeks as far as love goes, I must say this week has so far been pretty stable. I'm missing out on the ride! I never did do well with anything Gemini....

So summer begins.

In case you haven't noticed, darlings, the sun doesn't always rise in crimson. The wind doesn't always blow from the south. The rains don't always fall on the plains. And the song bird sometimes loses its song.

And so must you allow for your own rhythms in time.

The key, I suppose, is remembering that sometimes, when you waver, it creates the rest you needed to become even more.

Don't talk to me in dreams if you are only going to tell me what I already know.

Fine, I understand that right now you feel that there is only one choice before you. And I understand that such single-minded focus is resistant to any argument.

But are you aware that the powerful vision that is dominating your consciousness is squeezing out other versions of reality?

It is tiring to know that it doesn't matter whether I agree or not, and that no amount of reasoning will make a difference. The degree of inspiration and conviction on your side is unassailable.

But, know that I will not waste time arguing because the only result of that can be the creation of a serious rift. All I can do for you, my dear, is to try to understand, looking for what is positive or honorable about your point of view.

And I'll do my best, but know that I am going to do it quietly.

Holding Hands with the Page of Swords.

It's this simple: Don't allow yourself to duplicate the burdens or negativity of those around you.

Oh, I know that when you are struggling with a negative viewpoint, focused on what could go wrong and where someone might fail you, it is easy to fall into a truly defensive attitude. But, if you allow challenging people around you to influence your state of mind, you may well begin to resemble the very people you feel threatened by.

And do you really want that?

All I can say is don't allow this streak of suspicion and watchfulness to become hyper-vigilance. If you begin to be edgy, feeling that at any moment a disaster could arise, put some distance between yourself and the situation. Indulge in experiences that don't produce fight or flight reactions. Just because we are sometimes in stressful and uncomfortable company doesn't mean we must become stressful, uncomfortable people.

The best way to cope with those circumstances? Refuse to mirror them.

::laughing:: And on a lighter note, just in case you needed to know...

"Just because you drive a Benz
I'm not goin home with you.
You won't get no nookie or the cookies,
I'm no rookie.
And still I'm
Sexy, independent
I ain't wit' it so you already know.
I'm not bein too dramatic that's the way I gotta have it.
You think you're slick,
Tryna hit,
But I'm not dumb,
I'm not bein too dramatic it's just how I gotta have it."

-- Goodies
Ciara (featuring Petey Pablo)

Dropping Five Cups.

Even when we need to outgrow illusions about the people we are involved with, there is still something of value in these relationships.

How easy and often it is to avoid examining your negative habits and noticing how they can impact others. Do you really need to be reminded to show more appreciation for those people who love you anyway?

The Gods know, we can be *hard* on our intimates.

And, really darlings, it's this simple: If you are experiencing feelings of guilt or shame, it may be because you have been too self-absorbed lately. Asking others to defer their gratification simply so that you can have yours is often rude and results in resentments. I am not saying it should *never* be done -- the Gods also know I would be the last who could get way with saying *that* -- but sometimes we very well may be asking the ones we love to be far more flexible than we ourselves would ever be.

And it always comes back to this, doesn't it: be grateful that when the cups fell, only three of the five were lost. Two are still intact, pristine and full of sacred energy that you can use to build your relationship in the future.

Instead of defending past setbacks, my dears, focus on awakening your desire for improvement. Especially with respect to yourself.

If you would simply think deeply on the things you've loved most about life; on the things you've loved most about yourself; and of the main challenges you've faced, whether behind you or in the moment; you will then know in an instant, beyond a shadow of a doubt, exactly "why you are here."

Now, to figure out why every one else showed up...

Pet and Be Petted.

"Why not? Mark these words: never be sure of the woman you love, for there are more snares in her nature than you can ever imagine. Women are neither as good as their admirers maintain nor as bad as their detractors would have them be; their character is merely lack of character. The best of women can momentarily flounder in the mud, just as the worst can unexpectedly rise to great heights of generosity, to the confusion of those who vilify her. Every woman, good or bad, is capable at any moment of the most diabolical thoughts, actions or emotions, as well as the most divine; the purest as well as the most sordid. In spite of all the advances of civilization, woman has remained as she was the day Nature's hand shaped her. She is like a wild animal, faithful or faithless, kindly or cruel, depending on the impulse that rules her. A profound and serious culture is needed to produce moral character. Man, even when he is selfish or wicked, lives by principles; woman only obeys her feelings. Never forget this, and never be sure of the woman you love."

-- Venus in Furs
Leopold von Sacher-Masoch

Ah, my dear, what advice can I give you? Just let go of self-criticism and worry; and accept that you are on the right path to forming the relationship you want.

You don't need me to tell you that your inner judge or critic is too severe. You don't need me to tell you that too often you let messages of self-criticism and self-doubt play over and over again in your mind. You think you can't live up to the challenges you are facing with respect to the type of relationship you want. Yes, that could be true, but you must understand that it's irrelevant to the current situation. In truth, no one else could better fulfill his or her obligations in this situation. You are it. And you would recognize that yourself if you remembered your humanity.

And I wouldn't take your blanket away from you, without knowing you expect me to. It was never a role I wanted, but you've made it mine and I will fulfill it: No amount of excuses or self-deprecation will save you. No matter how the inner critic argues about your unworthiness or unreadiness, you can't stall any longer.

Fuck dude, just roll up your sleeves, respond to the challenges that must be faced and create change.

There will be time to judge and worry about perfection later.


And that goes for all of us, no?

***
Yes, I know I've comments to reply to and other things to say but I will get to them another day, another mood.

"Time is never a friend."

This resonated in a comment I received because, along with many other things, this has been on my mind. That time is the Bastard to Irony's Bitch. Of all the things I forget and then must relearn, one of the most frequent is the realization that time moves at different paces for different people.

And what seems an eternity to me is mere seconds to someone else. And vice versa.

It traps me, Time, again and again, tripping up the best of my intentions and, quite often, the best of myself. Time wasted, time lost, time being lost, my own personal time counting down and being *finite*.

::rubbing eyes::

Time is a Bastard because it's ability to distort itself in my head leads quite often to a painful reminder of my own frequent self-absorption. How often must I relearn that Time does not exist for me alone?

Promised Post, in part only.

Be there, darlings, go there now and never leave. Imagine that your dreams have already come true. Live your life from that mindset; predicate your behavior on that reality, not the illusions that now surround you. Filter every thought, question and answer from there. Let your focus shift and be born again.

Because dwelling *from*, not upon, the space you want to inherit, is the fastest way to change absolutely everything.

See the difference?

Sometimes, there are just no small moves here. Every action has consequences -- even non-action has consequences.

What I learned from your advice.

Part of what I learned, at least.

I need better, sometimes, to treat my innate spark of vitality as if it were a candle in the wind - protecting it as though it were my only light in a dark forest on a moonless night. Because, you know what? Ultimately it is.

And yes, I need better to avoid external conditions which threaten to snuff out the flame. And need to be much better, sometimes, at being careful not to suffocate it with my own ambitions and worries.

I learned I need much more rest.

To give beyond reason. To care beyond hope. To love without limit. To reach, stretch, and dream in spite of your fears. These are the hallmarks of divinity - traits of the immortal - your badges of honor, and your ticket home.

Obstacles.

Normally, if a large rock blocks your road, you would be well-advised simply to find another road. The one exception to this is when duty or previous commitments, even if simply to yourself, demand that you face the obstacle directly - that is, you try to remove the rock.

Even if confronting the obstacle suggests a personal risk, duty and moral obligations must be honored, for personal integrity is a resource which is hard to replenish.

Sometimes when you're ready for a change, and you kind of know it but won't admit it, when it comes, not only are you surprised, but it hurts.

Yeah, I know that doesn't help much, unless you remember the "ready" part. Because there is simply no change that might ever transpire in time and space that happens before you're fully able to use it for your own growth and glory.

So, darlings, may as well just act like you had personally requested it, and soar. Because, truthfully, you did, and, honestly, you can.

Tonight I am in the mood to play with Malibu's psychics all night, and I probably will. Malibu, I will send you a bill in the morning. :)

Today's horrendously accurate horoscope.

"It's often a challenge for you to circumvent your sense of duty. Even your need for love can be connected to physical satisfaction and practical considerations. Over these next few weeks, however, you might gain clarity about the difference between what you want and what others expect from you. Remember, however, that your actions are more important than your desires."

Quite frankly, I'm already on clarity-overload. And if the universe thinks *I* need be reminded that my actions are more important than my desires, then the universe needs a punch in the eye.

While you might, from time to time, envy others, it's precisely during those moments when you might ask yourself whether or not you'd actually like to be them.

Envy cured, no?