Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Darkening of the Light

When the light goes down, it is often wise to become invisible. I relate very well to that period of *fresh* darkness, the period after the sun has gone down or the fire has gone out. There is often still much activity left over from the light of day, but movements in the outer world are at their most dangerous. It is a tight rope time; even the smallest sound, the faintest glow of light, can attract unwanted attention.

There are other darknesses and when the darkness of stupidity reigns, it is best that your own brilliance stay hidden. By that I mean that your thoughts and efforts should be quiet and self-contained, and protected, as much as possible, from harmful external influences.

It is important that you don't let yourself be swept along on the current of conventional wisdom when dangerous uncertainties exist. Doing so seems to lead only to depression or anxiety. I cannot tell you too many times: this period will pass.

Just endure it for now and inwardly preserve your self-confidence, while outwardly remaining cooperative and flexible and quiet. The time to assert yourself will come, it always does. There are times when you simply must avoid looking too far ahead if you have not yet achieved your goals.

That only brings Regret. And Longing. Both of which can eat away at your inner resources until they leave you with nothing.

And just so you know, the darkness of stupidity can reign quite often right inside your own head. The above advice still applies. But it seems to get a lot trickier to enact.

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

When in doubt...

::with kisses blown to Malibu::

INTPs in Relationships:

NTPs live rich worlds inside their minds, which are full of imagination and excitement. Consequently, they sometimes find the external world pales in comparison. This may result in a lack of motivation to form and maintain relationships. INTPs are not likely to have a very large circle of significant relationships in their lives. They're much more likely to have a few very close relationships, which they hold in great esteem and with great affection. Since the INTP's primary focus and attention is turned inwards, aimed towards seeking clarity from abstract ideas, they are not naturally tuned into others' emotional feelings and needs. They tend to be difficult to get to know well, and hold back parts of themselves until the other person has proven themselves "worthy" of hearing the INTP's thoughts. Holding Knowledge and Brain Power above all else in importance, the INTP will choose to be around people who they consider to be intelligent. Once the INTP has committed themself to a relationship, they tend to be very faithful and loyal, and form affectionate attachments which are pure and straight-forward. The INTP has no interest or understanding of game-playing with regards to relationships. However, if something happens which the INTP considers irreconciliable, they will leave the relationship and not look back.

INTP Relationship Strengths:

They feel love and affection for those close to them which is almost childlike in its purity
Generally laid-back and easy-going, willing to defer to their mates
Approach things which interest them very enthusiastically
Richly imaginative and creative
Do not feel personally threatened by conflict or criticism
Usually are not demanding, with simple daily needs

INTP Relationship Weaknesses:

Not naturally in tune with others' feelings; slow to respond to emotional needs
Not naturally good at expressing their own feelings and emotions
Tend to be suspicious and distrusting of others
Not usually good at practical matters, such as money management, unless their work involves these concerns
They have difficulty leaving bad relationships
Tend to "blow off" conflict situations by ignoring them, or else they "blow up" in heated anger

INTPs as Lovers

"To love means to open ourselves to the negative as well as the positive - to grief, sorrow, and disappointment as well as to joy, fulfillment, and an intensity of consciousness we did not know was possible before." -- Rollo May

INTPs approach their intimate relationships quite seriously - as they approach most things in life. They take their vows and commitments seriously, and are usually faithful and loyal. They are usually pretty easy to live with and be around, because they have simple daily needs and are not overly demanding of their partners in almost any respect. While the INTP's internal life is highly theoretical and complex, their external life in comparison is usually quite simple. They like to keep the complexities of their external world to a minimum, so that they can focus their brain power on working through their theories internally. This makes them very straight-forward, honest lovers, with a love that is quite pure in its simple, uncomplicated nature.

Although they choose to keep things straight-forward in their relationships, this does not mean that the INTP is lacking in depth of feeling or passion. The INTP is very creative person, who has vivid imaginations. They can be very excitable and passionate about their love relationships. Sometimes, they have a problem reconciling the exciting visions of their internal worlds with the actuality of their external circumstances.

Sexually, the INTP usually approaches intimacy with enthusiasm and excitement. Some INTPs play down entirely the need for sexual relations in their lives, but most use their rich imaginations and child-like enthusiasm to make the most of the moment. The INTP will usually be experiencing the moment with vivid intensity inside their own minds, although this may or may not be apparent to their partner.

The largest area of potential strife in an INTP's intimate relationship is their slowness in understanding and meeting their partner's emotional needs. The INTP may be extremely dedicated to the relationship, and deeply in love with their partner, but may have no understanding of their mate's emotional life, and may not express their own feelings often or well. When the INTP does express themselves, it's likely to be in their own way at their own time, rather than in response to their partner's needs. If this is an issue which has caused serious problems in a relationship, the INTP should work on becoming more aware of their partner's feelings, and their partner should work on not requiring explicit positive affirmation to feel loved by the INTP.

INTPs do not like to deal with messy complications, such as interpersonal conflict, and so they may fall into the habit of ignoring conflict when it occurs. If they feel they must face the conflict, they're likely to approach it from an analytical perspective. This may aggravate the conflict situation, if their partner simply wants to feel that they are supported and loved. Most people (and especially those with the Feeling preference) simply want to be encouraged, affirmed and supported when they are upset. The INTP should practice meeting these needs in conflict situations.

Although two well-developed individuals of any type can enjoy a healthy relationship, the INTP's natural partner is the ENTJ, or the ESTJ. The INTP's dominant function of Introverted Thinking is best matched with a partner whose personality is dominated by Extraverted Thinking. The INTP/ENTJ match is ideal, because these types shared Intuition as a common way of perceiving the world, but INTP/ESTJ is also a good match.

Tired and Alone

I don't know why I am always surprised when I realize that although I have been seeking some relationship-based satisfaction in the external world, the process has been leading me to reconciliation with my inner self.

Seems I must always remind myself that the path of action I have taken is ultimately not as important as the state of being it can produce. Things are always at their murkiest before I again remember that what I have been pursuing may actually be based on something internal, which when kindled and awakened actually replaces my need to seek satisfaction in the external world.

Although I do not think this invalidates all that I have been engaged in, because it has ultimately led me back to this valuable realization. But I know that when I assimilate what I am learning about Being, action will no longer seem as imperative. And I will then be able to take this opportunity to re-learn to meditate and find within what I previously looked for outside myself.

And I wonder, what now is my obligation to those who served as a vehicle to return me to myself. It is important for me to remember that introspection does not mean escaping into the fantasy world of my own head. Forever must I re-learn to contemplate the effects my actions have upon the real world. Doing so is the only way for me to discover whether or not I am truly making progress.

Monday, April 25, 2005

The Results are in... (from Caro's comment in last post)

Okay, that's all the random quizes I can do. Of six of them, we've got four Airs, one Water, one Earth. Quite frankly, I think they *all* make my personality sound like shit but I'm feeling a bit burnt out, trapped and tired today so I've a colored perspective.


You think before you act, you look before you
leap. You are very direct, which sometimes can
hurt others. You are always looking for the
truth behind things. Of all the elements,
you're the wisest.

What is your element?
brought to you by Quizilla


You scored as Air. The predominant element in your life is AIR. Air rules intellect and logic, and the signs Gemini, Libra and Aquarius.











Which of the Five Elements are you?


You scored as Wind.













The Complete Elemental Quiz v1.0
created with


You scored as Water. Water - You're a well-rounded person and everybody looks up to you. You have no enemies, and even if you do, they don't know it.









Which element are you?
created with


You scored as Earth. You are a comfortable person, with a select number of very close friends. While normally calm, you will always stand up for animal rights. Sometimes, when the world becomes too rough, you take a little time to commune with nature and will come back stronger than ever.













Which element do you represent?
created with


Air: Temperamental and Inquisitive. You find almost anything interesting, which is good since your attention span is probably border ADD. You find it hard to stay in place or keep one emotion for very long. You could be depressed one minute and skipping the next. Sometimes you feel like you have a lot of control over those emotions, but often they get out of hand. You're one of those people who need to learn to think before you speak, blurting out whatever comes to mind -- not always the best idea. You probably have a hard time deciding what to be for a career, but if you have it's something along the lines of a politician or actor. Definitely not a cubicle person. As far as friends you know everyone and everyone knows you, but not many of them are "friends." When dating, you'll be fiercely loyal and intimate at first, but you lose interest eventually.

What Element Are You? [[pics]]
brought to you by Quizilla


He said "There is something about the way you think that enables me to be myself. Sometimes it seems as if you are able to verbalize aspects of myself that I have sensed but that I have never been able to adequately put into words or ideas."

Always I struggle with my need to be close and my need to be free. This is a major life conflict which has always created complications for me in close personal relationships. The biggest manifestation of this is a tendency to pursue the unavailable or the unreliable.

And I cannot help that most people like me. I form relationships easily but I often have some difficulty sustaining them or maintaining interest in them. I think that I tend to project my own ego ideals onto my partners, sometimes at the expense of relating to their needs.

For me, admiration is a prerequisite for love.

Sunday, April 24, 2005


A relationship is like a dance. As in a dance, timing is everything. No matter what the nature of a relationship -- be it lovers, friends, family, coworkers -- differences in a couple's rhythms often give rise to their biggest problems. But curiously enough, people seldom see that *timing* is the active factor. Instead, they are likely to blame each other -- or think the relationship is "bad" or "not working" in general.

I think the most common area for "timing" problems involves partners' different rhythms in wanting closeness or distance. Everyone has a need for connection and a need for individual space -- but partners can easily be out of synch in who needs what, when. For whatever reason, one partner may need space at the same time the other wants connection. And people often confuse timing differences with something else. When timing is off, this wonderfully absurd "name-calling" can result: You can call your lover "incapable of intimacy" for wanting space, or "too needy" for wanting connection.

Conflict can then build, further triggering fears of being abandoned or trapped or controlled or ignored. In the turmoil, the real underlying factor -- timing differences -- is overlooked.

Timing is also involved in how partners try to solve problems. Some people first need time apart to mull over a situation before talking. Others want an immediate solution and try to engage in ongoing discussion. Still others need to express all their emotions without any interruptions before they can solve anything rationally.

Partners' personal clocks are not, cannot, and do not have to be in perfect synch all the time. When your needs don't match, avoid blaming or hurting each other. It's only the timing that is off. Isn't that a relief?! It's only timing! It's not even personal!

A lot would run more smoothly if people would just be more alert against mistaking timing rhythms for something else -- like character flaws in your partner, or irresolvable issues in your relationship. Instead, just relax. Breathe. Open your heart. And find acceptance.

Thursday, April 21, 2005


There are times when attraction is so strong, but still the relationship is not destined to last. And while I do not think these situations need be avoided, I do think it is important to be careful - the coming together of disparate forces is not always what it seems. There are times when an apparently harmless, but potentially dangerous, element has attracted attention to itself and is pulling on a stronger one. When power shifts into the hands of those unprepared for it, there is always the very real potential for harm to come to all parties involved.

Still, I do not think you need fear meetings with those whose positions and aims and experience levels are widely different from your own, so long as you know you are free of ulterior motives.

I know there are some people who think that as soon as a dangerous liaison presents itself, that is the time to speak up and nip it in the bud. However, there are times when the meeting of the yielding and the strong turn out to be opportunities for truly positive and constructive -- if temporary -- relationships.

The difference between careless connection and a relationship of depth lies in the motives of the heart. Remember to ask yourself in all that you do and say: How sincere are you?

Sunday, April 10, 2005

I think that instead of worrying about what you could lose, it's far more productive to focus on finding out what is *real* for you. There is certainly nothing wrong with being clear about what you want, as long as you understand that what you wind up with is usually what you really need.