Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Tired and Alone

I don't know why I am always surprised when I realize that although I have been seeking some relationship-based satisfaction in the external world, the process has been leading me to reconciliation with my inner self.

Seems I must always remind myself that the path of action I have taken is ultimately not as important as the state of being it can produce. Things are always at their murkiest before I again remember that what I have been pursuing may actually be based on something internal, which when kindled and awakened actually replaces my need to seek satisfaction in the external world.

Although I do not think this invalidates all that I have been engaged in, because it has ultimately led me back to this valuable realization. But I know that when I assimilate what I am learning about Being, action will no longer seem as imperative. And I will then be able to take this opportunity to re-learn to meditate and find within what I previously looked for outside myself.

And I wonder, what now is my obligation to those who served as a vehicle to return me to myself. It is important for me to remember that introspection does not mean escaping into the fantasy world of my own head. Forever must I re-learn to contemplate the effects my actions have upon the real world. Doing so is the only way for me to discover whether or not I am truly making progress.


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