Saturday, March 26, 2005

The Hermit On Her Own

It is so incredibly easy for me, sometimes, to forego being interested in the trivial things in my relationships. I fear, sometimes, that I have too much of a relationship with the 'spiritual' world instead of one with society. I prefer to specialize in what is esoteric, and to study the inner sciences -- yoga, tantra, self-cultivation. I want to immerse myself in consciousness development that takes me beyond the limited human ego and puts me in touch with the vastness of cosmic creation. And I find that I am willing to give only a very little time for ordinary human commerce, relationship complexities, and their various distractions.

People need to spend more time in inner study. It's all about immersing yourself in the mysteries of natural law. And isolating it may be, but there's much to be gained by remaining an eternal child full of wonder, gazing into the mysteries of the inner life. And perhaps people should spend more time courting the idea that all the support they need lies within, as in a yoga balancing posture.

There are times, though, that such Isolation makes itself fully apparent and it is as if my 'time away' has left me with an inability to speak the correct language. Or make my points understood. Or connect at all on any level with anyone. And not because I do not wish to, but because I have completely forgotten how.

And such times leave me feeling trapped and stopped and blocked on all sides.

And so I suppose I need to remember, if you meet an obstacle or encounter resistance, to dance like you expected it to be there. There is a skill in knowing just how to receive whatever shows up: The trick is recognizing its beauty, which is all there is to diplomacy and charm.

My atmosphere is light and neutral today and it feels okay to be indecisive.


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