Sunday, March 06, 2005


Whenever I find myself stuck in ambivalence or lack of meaning, it's as if I can feel the life force fail me and I feel as if I am in danger. Will my vitality ever return? Are my repressions so great that I cannot move, or is my fear so tangible that my will to act is gone?

It is important to remember that times that I somehow enforce lack of motion on myself can only be broken by choosing breaththroughs. Without choice, the ties you make that bind may also begin to strangle. And while the times I trap myself in ambivalence and lack of meaning are difficult for me to get a handle on, I must remember to still myself in that period, so that my true feelings may surface. Doing so almost always seems to free me to act when new energy comes my way.

When feeling myself caught in stasis, it is important to try to objectify my situation in order to see what I need to give up to move forward in life. And to remember to resist going unconscious by focusing choices, no matter what they are.

I hate, more than anything almost, finding myself being less than mindful and less than aware and less than honest with myself.


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