Friday, February 18, 2005

Holding Hands with the Queen of Swords

Why do people fear the times that there is an overwhelming need to create more space between themselves and a partner?

It is so healthy to be able to detach yourself from your relationship desires. Why should you allow yourself to get tossed around because of other people's choices? I think people forget that always they can re-center themselves upon their own axis, that in fact that is the *only* place to center themselves, and think about what they want to do with their lives and their time and their energy -- either with or without their current relationships. I'm aghast at how many people have trouble replacing the word "we" with "I" as they work through issues.

It is not a bad thing to be in need of some individuation.

I would advise people not to fret when they find themselves wanting to withdraw. The desire for detachment is healthy and is not a prediction that all is lost. There are just times when relationships get too close and one or both individuals lose themselves, to the detriment of their personal growth.

A good working relationship -- no matter what it's form -- requires that there be two whole people present -- two separate, sometimes very different and unpredictable people -- who have their own take on life.

There comes a time when you must reclaim your personal identity. Perhaps it had been sublimated in the relationship. If so, then it could have gotten ignored or even trampled. Reinforce your claim to a room or space or time of your own -- your own private realm in which you can be alone.

And I would think twice about someone who would work, in any way, to deny you such.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bah. I don't think you could have been psychotic at all. I have never known you to be so -- you are too fond of pragmatism, cost-effectiveness and -- and I shall quote -- "look, just what the fuck is the bottom line here?"


But, if you felt psychotic then you must have been masterfully manipulated and that seems almost as hard to believe. Although, you have gone soft over the last year and developed that whole Regret fascination, which I also would never have believed.

Crazy or Played? Nasty choice, little girl.

February 18, 2005  

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