Monday, March 14, 2005

Listening to the cycles.

This situation is so unpredictable. That is always such a hard state for me, with my sometimes rampant control issues. It is very hard for me, sometimes, to empty the vessel, releasing any preconceived agenda. It is hard sometimes to just allow myself to be guided from a still, calm place within.

I am not always the best in situations which are undefined and open-ended. And there are days when it is almost unbearable to me that I do not know, nor can I even begin to guess, what is happening in the other person's head. This can sometimes create such a feeling of *panic*. I need to remember that it can also create such a sense of relief, if I just let it be O K. After all, I suppose having no blueprint frees me up from the pressure of expectations.

But these times are such a test of my internal guidance system. Can I refrain from getting desperate about a relationship in the current absence of structure?

::rubbing eyes::

Malibu, I am finally going to take your advice from back when I posted Advise Me. This High Priestess currently craves deep communion with Nature and attunement with cosmic law. She wants to be far from the daily traffic of life, so she can meditate. So, yes, I'm going to: Take some time out. Write in my journal. Sit on a mountaintop (well, actually, next to a stream on a valley floor). And hopefully become reflective like the smooth calm still waters of that pool we found.

I'll be back in awhile.


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