Tuesday, April 26, 2005

When in doubt...

::with kisses blown to Malibu::

INTPs in Relationships:

NTPs live rich worlds inside their minds, which are full of imagination and excitement. Consequently, they sometimes find the external world pales in comparison. This may result in a lack of motivation to form and maintain relationships. INTPs are not likely to have a very large circle of significant relationships in their lives. They're much more likely to have a few very close relationships, which they hold in great esteem and with great affection. Since the INTP's primary focus and attention is turned inwards, aimed towards seeking clarity from abstract ideas, they are not naturally tuned into others' emotional feelings and needs. They tend to be difficult to get to know well, and hold back parts of themselves until the other person has proven themselves "worthy" of hearing the INTP's thoughts. Holding Knowledge and Brain Power above all else in importance, the INTP will choose to be around people who they consider to be intelligent. Once the INTP has committed themself to a relationship, they tend to be very faithful and loyal, and form affectionate attachments which are pure and straight-forward. The INTP has no interest or understanding of game-playing with regards to relationships. However, if something happens which the INTP considers irreconciliable, they will leave the relationship and not look back.

INTP Relationship Strengths:

They feel love and affection for those close to them which is almost childlike in its purity
Generally laid-back and easy-going, willing to defer to their mates
Approach things which interest them very enthusiastically
Richly imaginative and creative
Do not feel personally threatened by conflict or criticism
Usually are not demanding, with simple daily needs

INTP Relationship Weaknesses:

Not naturally in tune with others' feelings; slow to respond to emotional needs
Not naturally good at expressing their own feelings and emotions
Tend to be suspicious and distrusting of others
Not usually good at practical matters, such as money management, unless their work involves these concerns
They have difficulty leaving bad relationships
Tend to "blow off" conflict situations by ignoring them, or else they "blow up" in heated anger

INTPs as Lovers

"To love means to open ourselves to the negative as well as the positive - to grief, sorrow, and disappointment as well as to joy, fulfillment, and an intensity of consciousness we did not know was possible before." -- Rollo May

INTPs approach their intimate relationships quite seriously - as they approach most things in life. They take their vows and commitments seriously, and are usually faithful and loyal. They are usually pretty easy to live with and be around, because they have simple daily needs and are not overly demanding of their partners in almost any respect. While the INTP's internal life is highly theoretical and complex, their external life in comparison is usually quite simple. They like to keep the complexities of their external world to a minimum, so that they can focus their brain power on working through their theories internally. This makes them very straight-forward, honest lovers, with a love that is quite pure in its simple, uncomplicated nature.

Although they choose to keep things straight-forward in their relationships, this does not mean that the INTP is lacking in depth of feeling or passion. The INTP is very creative person, who has vivid imaginations. They can be very excitable and passionate about their love relationships. Sometimes, they have a problem reconciling the exciting visions of their internal worlds with the actuality of their external circumstances.

Sexually, the INTP usually approaches intimacy with enthusiasm and excitement. Some INTPs play down entirely the need for sexual relations in their lives, but most use their rich imaginations and child-like enthusiasm to make the most of the moment. The INTP will usually be experiencing the moment with vivid intensity inside their own minds, although this may or may not be apparent to their partner.

The largest area of potential strife in an INTP's intimate relationship is their slowness in understanding and meeting their partner's emotional needs. The INTP may be extremely dedicated to the relationship, and deeply in love with their partner, but may have no understanding of their mate's emotional life, and may not express their own feelings often or well. When the INTP does express themselves, it's likely to be in their own way at their own time, rather than in response to their partner's needs. If this is an issue which has caused serious problems in a relationship, the INTP should work on becoming more aware of their partner's feelings, and their partner should work on not requiring explicit positive affirmation to feel loved by the INTP.

INTPs do not like to deal with messy complications, such as interpersonal conflict, and so they may fall into the habit of ignoring conflict when it occurs. If they feel they must face the conflict, they're likely to approach it from an analytical perspective. This may aggravate the conflict situation, if their partner simply wants to feel that they are supported and loved. Most people (and especially those with the Feeling preference) simply want to be encouraged, affirmed and supported when they are upset. The INTP should practice meeting these needs in conflict situations.

Although two well-developed individuals of any type can enjoy a healthy relationship, the INTP's natural partner is the ENTJ, or the ESTJ. The INTP's dominant function of Introverted Thinking is best matched with a partner whose personality is dominated by Extraverted Thinking. The INTP/ENTJ match is ideal, because these types shared Intuition as a common way of perceiving the world, but INTP/ESTJ is also a good match.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

*shakes head*

The INTP comprises less than 1% of the population, I read.

Highest I've ever seen is 3%.

April 26, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

*tossing hair*

You can tell it's boys commenting because they leave out all the important bits, when they feel like quoting:

"Gender issues are especially pointed for the INTP female. While all of the internal conceptualizing, however misunderstood, may be tolerated in a male, society is less likely to tolerate the same characteristic in a female. The absentminded professor si another image more conventionally male than female. This creates at least three special problems for the INTP female: First, women historically have not been looked upon as the architects of much beyond their own homes and families. The constant desire to make life conform to a theoretical model, while true to the INTP preference, flies in the face of traditional female roles. Second, conceptual originality is similarly not the traditional female trait. Some INTPs, asked the time of day, would be tempted to expound on the philosophical meaning of time; this eccentricity in a man may be looked upon as the result of overintelligence, in a woman it may result in her being labeled "dizzy" or even "dumb." Finally, the Thinking preference of INTPs directly counters most females' scripting to be subjective, soft, and caring. Even worse, when an INTP female's feeling side does surface, it often does so with intensity, an outpouring that can be frightening to both herself and others."

April 26, 2005  
Blogger Ladarna Daorsa said...

// "Even worse, when an INTP female's feeling side does surface, it often does so with intensity, an outpouring that can be frightening to both herself and others." //

::putting head down::

This is so the truth. More's the pity.

April 27, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Try and remember this (from some INTP "Personal Growth" page I found; therapy for INTPs):

"You may have a hard time understanding how you feel about someone. It's important that you do figure this out. Don't lead someone on with your ambivalence. If you determine that you value the person, tell them so every time you think of it. This is the best way to make them feel secure in your affections, and so to promote a long-lasting relationship."

April 27, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

[Edited with new quote; thanks, little girl, for the deletion]

And this is why, chick book quotes or no, you are still one of my delights after all these years:

"Run the numbers if you have any doubt whatever that the ANALYST woman significantly restricts her field of choice by limiting the group of acceptable partners to other (1) available, (2) known, and (3) equally competent (4) ANALYST men. With intuitives outnumbered about 3:1 by sensing-type folks; and with thinkers and feelers more or less evenly represented in the population, that figures out to about one in eight people falling into the (NT) ANALYST category: slim pickings, indeed.

ANALYST men don't necessarily have the same fatal attraction for mating with ANALYST women. (And that's certainly understandable and adaptive when you consider that this temperamental type is even rarer among women than among men!) In general, ANALYST men are content to mate with partners neither so bright, motivated, nor competent as they, just so long as the partner will leave them alone and let them get their work done!

Unfortunately, one of the most typical behaviors for any ANALYST who mates ``down'' (intellectually speaking), is habitually stewing or actively complaining about the deficiencies of intelligence and accomplishment of the non-ANALYST partner!

To understand the ANALYST's attitudes on sex, consider this temperament's behavior in the kitchen. That's right. The kitchen.

Of course, there are many ANALYSTs who can't scramble an egg, because they never considered cooking to be very important a waste of their valuable time.

But, then there are others among the ranks who are accomplished chefs ANALYSTs who have turned all their intellect and drive toward finding out everything there is to know about the culinary arts, the mysteries of diverse cuisines.

ANALYSTs can become great artists in the kitchen.

That tells you something about ANALYSTs and sex. Convince an ANALYST that sex, like all other fields of knowledge, is a fascinating subject to study, experiment with, and master then, look out! The scientifically-minded ANALYST will try everything, and may very well become a bedroom impresario.

Unless it's apparent to the ANALYST that fidelity makes sense and is logical, this type is unlikely to feel totally tied down to a monogamous lifestyle. For those who choose not to roam, the typical ANALYST explanation goes something like this:

``Oh, I used to mess around, but I ended up late for work wearing yesterday's clothes, and I was always having to make up stories and dodges of one sort or another, and it just took too much time and energy away from my creative life. ''

So much for the romance of fidelity!

Work is the main sexual rival for the ANALYST doing work, thinking about it, or worrying about an unsolved problem. A work-distracted ANALYST isn't likely to be ``all there'' when the lights go out.

All the other types may find this behavior a little hard to understand, and understandably so! "

April 27, 2005  
Blogger Ladarna Daorsa said...


In response to your email (and I'll put it here in case others are wondering) no I didn't have to delete his comment for Big Secret Reasons.

His brain apparently wandered during his cutting and pasting and he pasted a quote for his *own* type, instead of mine. With the reference to it being why he loves me so.

Ever has he been self adoring.



April 27, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...



Read it all. You'll laugh when you get to the part about the Analyst/Analyst couple needing couples therapy.

April 27, 2005  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

My god, this is a depressive thread. Here's something a bit brighter:

"As INTPs are often misunderstood, they are usually very reserved individuals. Their iNtuition causes them to understand things seemingly instantaneously, and to gain interest in various topics. Their Thinking helps them to find the logic in a situation from an objective point of view. And their Perceiving causes them to have many interests at once, but also to enjoy following only the topics which immediately have piqued their interests.

Although society rarely appreciates INTPs, their minds are wonderful places to be, which is perhaps why they spend so much of their time in thought.

Misunderstood, INTPs are burdened by their idealism, searching restlessly for their one true love, or for their one true friend.

(Gee, this is a bit rough, isn't it? Maybe it is that INTP's understand the most about people, but don't put up with the crap a lot of people carry on with.)"

Or it certainly seemed brighter when I first read it. I am quoting it as a compliment.


April 28, 2005  

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